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What was the first thing Adam said to Eve after they ate the fruit?

“Stand back, I don’t know how big this thing gets!”

Four solicitors and a judge were dining together and during the course of conversation, the judge, who sat at Marlborough Street Court, mentioned he had, that day, had a number of ‘ladies of the night’ brought before him.

This prompted them to speculate on what the generic term for these women might be. in turn the solicitors suggested: a jam of tarts, a fanfare of strumpets, an anthology of prose and a novel of Trollope’s.

The judge listened carefully and then said “How about a firm of solicitors?”

The Kent and Sussex Courier printed this report:

“Crowds flocked to the West Kent Hunt point to point races at Brookes Farm, Chiddingstone Hoath, on saturday making it the best attended meeting since 1984. Traffic queues built up on the Penshurst to Edenbridge road with local police on traffic control. They did their job so well that a Japanese tourist on his way to Gatwick Airport was ushered into the farm and paid $10 to park before realising he had reached the wrong destination. It then took him three-quarters of an hour to obtain a refund and get back on the road.”

The newspaper headline read “RARE EGGS HOARD”, and the story below ran “Police seized 1,500 rare birds’ eggs from a house in Mosborough, Sheffield. A man has been questioned about a suspected poaching operation.

A North Wales town council proudly announced its new refuse disposal service: “Skips will visit each neighbourhood twice a year, for a few days at a time, so that people can get rid of their bulky items. It is being particularly aimed at the elderly and infirm.”

A man went to the local library and told the librarian he was interested in history and asked for a copy of “The Joy of Sex”.

When the librarian queried his choice and reminded him he had said he was interested in history, he glumly admitted “To me that is history.”

The Accrington Observer reported the retirement of Joe Burns, who for many years had been superintendent of the municipal crematorium. He was presented with a barbecue set.

The Mayor went to an Old People’s Home to congratulaeone of th lady reidents ho was celebrating her hundredth birthday. Hegave he  bunch of flowers an remarked o how well she looked.

“And why shouldn’t I look well?”, she snapped.

“No reason at all,” said the Mayor, “but have you never been bedridden?”

“Yes I have,” she replied, “and hearth-rugged, but I don’t see what business that is of yours!”

Two women drivers had a collision in their cars and got out to inspect the damage. One, very upset, wailed “My husband’s a vicar, whatever will he say?”

The other retorted “My husband isn’t a vicar, and I’m more worried about what he’ll say!”

A roadside sign at a farm entrance announced “Potatoes”.

Someone had written underneath “Twinned with Pommes de Terre”.