Browse Our Funny Jokes, Humors, Quotes | Liquid Laugh

A country boy was walking along a road with a piglet under each arm. On the way, he saw an attractive young woman, who was obviously very upset.

He asked her what was troubling her, and said that as it was getting dark, she was afraid to follow a footpath across the field on her own.

The lad offered to accompany her, and they set off. But they had not gone far when the girl began to cry.

“What’s the matter now?” he asked.

“I’ve just realised I don’t know you, and you might molest me.”

“How can I molest you? I’ve got a pig under each arm!”

“Well,” she said, “I could hold one for you.”

A Man opened the door to a salesman, and in answer to his question said “No, I am afraid the head of the household is out – I’m just the chairman of the fund raising committee.”

During the last war, a Cockney lad was sent to work on a farm in the West Country as a part of nobleman’s large estate. One day, he was working in the yard when a splendidly turned out gentleman rode his horse up to the closed gate.

“Open the gate” he shouted. The lad worked on, taking no notice whatsoever.

Apoplectic with rage, the rider bellowed “I am Lord Fortescue – open this gate”. This time the lad calmly looked around and said “I don’t care if you are Lord Fiftyscue, my boss doesn’t pay me to open gates for you or anybody else!”.